where am i from again
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
