I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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