Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize