I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Everything about him screamed your future.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
