; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize