please come you make the beer taste better
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
