good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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