It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
