PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
