So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
