Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
