PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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