I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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