dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
