what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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