I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I puked a lego.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
