Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
