Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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