you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
