apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
