HIV tests are more positive than that guy
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize