i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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