You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
