im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
