Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
