So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
