dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Can you bring me the toilet please
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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