Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
