And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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