i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
