I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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