I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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