Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I will pee on everything he values.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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