you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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