Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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