Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize