Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
