I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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