vagina is talking i cant
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
