omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
