I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
