This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
