this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Too much gin, very little bucket
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
