Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
