I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
