I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize