I seem to have left my pride at pride
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
