I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
