Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
