I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
