just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
