I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
