what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
