I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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