I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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