hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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