his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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