i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize