I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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