Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
