I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
false alarm, still single
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
