I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
