he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
