dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
