We won't sleep together?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
