sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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