Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
