Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
