he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
