Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
