he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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