I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
lol hangovers are for mortals.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
