went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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