I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
