He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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