So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
