Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he shaved USA in his pubs
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
