Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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