sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
