I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
