highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
