Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
