I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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