Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize