Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
bring money and cleavage
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
