Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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