well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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