i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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