I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
