margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You can't special order awesome
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
