can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So apparently I’m into choking now
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
