Pregnant stripper...not hot.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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