There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You need a sexual gate keeper
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
