Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
