He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize