summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
