Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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