i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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