Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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