420 ftw
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
