we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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