I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
