dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I have aggressive nipples.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I think people are normalizing furries
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
